Lost
by onyxrush707
Summary: Mike rapes Bella while the Cullens are hunting out of town. Broken and battered, Bella has to turn to Edward and the Cullens to deal with the rape's devastating consequences...
1. Prologue

**AN: Oh, my god!! I am back! Ok, so I decided to do something crazy and make yet another sad story. I hope you like it. I found it stashed away from when I wrote it last summer, but I added some things to make it better. At least, I hope it is... Let me know in a review? **

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Prologue

Have you ever wanted to die so badly its as though you can taste it in your mouth and feel it rushing through your veins? Just have all the pain you're feeling leave you alone? Have you ever wondered about how death always seems so close when you're totally healthy, but when you're waiting for the end to come for you, it never seems to come fast enough?

Have you ever thought about how when you need someone so badly, he never shows up on time? Have you ever seen how fast you can bleed when you're broken? Have you ever wondered what the highest decibel of pain is? Have you ever wondered why pain is so goddamn painful?

Those were the things running through the mind of Bella Swan as she lay, left for dead, in the back of the Newton's store. She lay there bleeding away her life, trying not to think about what Mike had just done to her. She could count almost all the bones in her broken body. Several times, she had wondered if she was dead, but thought better of it as every part of her was on fire.

Her arms and hands were slick form the blood that was pouring out of the slices on her arms. He had slashed her several times before leaving her on the floor, trying to make her die faster - which, for some reason, made her feel better. She could look down her naked body and see the blood flowing across her thighs and on to the floor, forming a uncharacteristically alluring puddle. She could also see the bruises on all of her body that she could see, and briefly considered playing connect-the-dots with them. From the pain screaming from her back, she could tell that their was some damage back there as well.

Although she was totally relaxed, she could feel her heart starting to race, and the room spinning wildly around her. She was getting irrationally irritated by the fact that Edward hadn't come to save her from her shameful fate. Her knight in shining armor must have been held up. But she wasn't mad at him; she loved him far too much for that.

She could tell that her body was going under the waters of unconsciousness. The waves were rocking her slowly to sleep. She couldn't deny that it was too peaceful to not enjoy. Her eyes were closing.

But then the door crashed to the ground in a fury of splinters and a breeze came through the room. Her eyes fought to flit open to see her knight run to her and fall to his knees, sobbing.

"Bella! No, Bella, you have to stay with me!" His voice trembled. "Alice, call 911!"

She could feel his eyes trailing down her body. She made an attempt to cover herself, but her brain couldn't tell her body to move; there wasn't enough blood left in her body.

Edward seemed to notice her embarrassment, as he took off his shirt and put it over her. He even took off his tank top and ripped it into strips. He grabbed her arms gently and tied them over the slashes to slow the blood flow. It was all she wanted; just to stare at her angel's face, in case this was going to be the last time that they had to be together.

Because she knew that her angel had saved her, Bella started to relax again. She was human; she couldn't stop it. She could feel her eyes starting to close and block out Edward's face. And that fact alone made her very uncomfortable. She could barely see that his lips were moving, but she couldn't hear his voice. Her eyes finally shut against her will.

What felt like seconds later, she could feel her body being lifted and set down on what felt like a board. Then she was fully pulled under.

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**AN: Please, please review!! Thank you to everyone who read!! **


	2. But She Is Loved

**AN: Ok, so I didn't think that story would be as liked as it has been. Sorry I didn't update last night; I had a birthday party to attend. Haha. But I hope you guys like this one just as much.... And tell me in a review again? Pretty please?**

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*three days later*

I felt groggy. As if I had slept for too long. But for some distressingly unknown reason, it was a good feeling. I kept my eyes closed to savor the feeling of total peace. With the tension between Edward and Jacob, that feeling was getting harder and harder to find in my life. But I couldn't help but notice the nagging feeling at the back of my mind that I was forgetting something hugely important. With a groan, I decided to open my eyes and attempt to figure out what it was.

But strangely enough, when I opened my eyes, all I could see was white. Everything was blurry and blindingly bright. After a few moments of confusion, my hearing kicked in and I could hear an incessant beeping from above my head. I moved slowly to find the source. But before I could find it, my eyes fell to my arms. They were all bandaged as if to mask some hideous deformity.

Then it started to come back to me. Mike grabbing me. Mike pulling off my clothes and kissing me, even after I begged him to stop. Mike taking away my virginity. Mike's eyes as he exploded into me.

In the background, I heard the beeping sound getting louder and faster. I was so out of it that I didn't feel the tears that were pouring down my face as I sobbed. I looked around frantically for Edward, but couldn't find him in the room.

As I screamed his name over and over, I pulled out the IV in my wrist. I yanked the cords from the monitor out of the stickers on my chest, ignoring the burning. At that point I could see a large male doctor rush towards me. He reached for my shoulder, with what he probably thought was a friendly face

"Don't touch me!" I screamed. "Where is Edward?"

He pulled his hand away from my shoulder and dropped it to his side. I looked towards the door to see Edward arguing with a nurse. He apparently wanted to come in to help me, but the petite nurse stood in his way with her hands on the doorway.

"Please let him come in! I need him!" My voice broke.

"If that's what it takes you to get you to relax. But if you don't stop fighting, then he'll have to leave the room again." He walked over to the door and spoke quietly to the nurse.

Edward walked over to me moments later and sat down on the side of the bed, reaching for my hand. With his other hand, he brushed away a tear and pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. When the doctor saw that I was totally fine with Edward, he went and put the IV in my wrist and the cords back on my chest.

"Do you need anymore pain medication, Ms. Swan?" he asked when he had finished.

But I wouldn't look at him or answer him. I was too busy wondering whether or not he had ever attacked a woman or even if he'd ever thought about it. My skin was beginning to crawl just thinking that he had just touched me. My breathing got a little faster and I could feel Edward squeeze my hand.

"I'll tell my father if she needs anything, Dr. Browning." Edward said.

Dr. Browning nodded and left. I leaned back on my pillows and closed my eyes. Edward placed his hands on mine on my stomach. The mere innocence of that small caring gesture caused me to break into sobs again.

"Does this bother you, Bella?" he whispered.

I shook my head miserably.

Edward sat there and rubbed circles into my hands, waiting for me to calm down enough for coherent speech.

When I was only sniffling, he whispered, "Bella, a police officer will be here tomorrow sometime to hear your testimony. Would you like me to not be in the room for this?"

I opened my eyes and tried to get closer to him. "N-no. Don't leave m-me alone here. Please."

"As long as this is what you want. But if this becomes too difficult for you, don't be afraid to kick me out, alright?"

I nodded and sighed as he leaned forward to press his ear to my heart. I quickly wrapped my arms around his neck and sighed.

"Is Carlisle my doctor? Or is it… whoever that was?" I asked worriedly.

"Carlisle is. He was out for a few hours to appear human. I'm sorry Dr. Browning upset you. I really am, Bella. And I'm sorry I wasn't in the room when you woke up. I promised myself that I would be. But the nurses were starting to notice the fact that I wasn't eating anything. So I went to the cafeteria to fake eating. I'm so sorry. And I'm so glad you're awake. I've been so scared. To find you like that was excruciatingly painful . Then to have you not wake up for three days-"

"Three days?" I shrieked.

"You had been through a lot; you deserved it." He turned his face so that his chin rested over my heart.

"And what happened to… him?" My voice was shaky and my hands trembled in Edward's.

Edward's jaw tightened. "He was arrested yesterday. The DNA has been sent to prove that he was the one. Too bad I now cannot kill the bastard for that fact only."

"So what about Charlie?" I asked quietly.

"Charlie was here for 20 hours straight, right after we found you. Carlisle sent him home; he came back 14 hours later for 3 hours. Then he went to the station to find out what he could do to help. He felt really helpless here. Well, we all did for a while there. Anyway, he read… him… his rights and brought him to the station." A ghost of my favorite crooked smile flashed across my face. "And your dad's home sleeping now."

My eyes started to flutter and I yawned, against my will. The past few days events had caught up with me.

Edward moved so he was laying beside me on the bed, holding me, and said, "It's alright, love. Go to sleep."

"I can't." I whimpered pitifully. "I just woke up…"

"Of course, you can. Just relax."

"But I'll have nightmares." I protested.

"Then I'll wake you up. I promise." He started to hum my lullaby.

I wanted to protest again, but I was already fast asleep in Edward's arms.

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**AN: Tada! Read and review?**


	3. Forgiveness and Attempts At Acceptance

**AN: Sorry this has taken so long to post. I was putting some extra loving in it. I won't lie: this is my favourite chapter so far... and so far the longest at almost 3,000 words and 7 pages! Yay! Just so you know, school starts for me in a week, so updates might slow down. Hopefully not too much, though... But enjoy!!**

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When I woke up, the scene had changed drastically: Charlie was asleep in one of the uncomfortable-looking orange chairs and Edward was 'asleep' half in another bed that had been pushed right up next to mine with his head resting on my arm. Our hands were entwined and held each other close to my heart.

I didn't dare move too much, afraid that Charlie would wake up. I didn't know how much sleep he had had the last few nights. So I rested for a while longer. Not sleeping, but letting myself forget what was happening. I daydreamed Edward and I were going on our honey moon. We were in Florida on a private beach. Edward was half naked and sparkling. We were laying together in the sand. And he was about to kiss-

My day dreams were interrupted as a small nurse walked in. It was strange feeling for me, but I wanted to explode at her for disrupting my happiness. But I managed to keep quiet somehow. Maybe it was the gentle squeeze Edward gave my hand.

Her motions were loud enough to wake Charlie from his sleep with a loud snore. He looked around wildly for a minute, before he spotted that I was awake. Then he put on a small smile.

"Hey, Bells…"

"Hey, Dad. Did you sleep well?" I tried to smile back.

"Yeah, but why didn't you wake me up? I wanted to see you…"

I moved up my shoulders in a small movement, but the pain still spread. I tried to hide it by not speaking right away. "I didn't know how much sleep you'd had… I don't want you to pass out from sleep deprivation on the job."

His eyes fell to Edward, feigning sleep beside me. "Gotta give the kid credit… every time I've been in here, he's stayed right beside you. Glad he finally decided to sleep."

"Me, too, Dad." I rubbed Edward's hand with my thumb. I knew that the simple touch would reassure him at least a little bit.

"Um, Bells? There's something I've been wanting to tell you…" Charlie's face flushed a little and he looked down, clearly embarrassed.

"What's going on, Dad?" I asked.

"I wanted to let you know that, um, I've been thinking about Edward while I was at work. And I just wanted to let you know that, well, I've forgiven him for what he did to you." It was so touching to see my dad was going to try to make my life a little easier.

I started to cry a little. Finally, my dad and the one I planned to spend the rest of my life with were going to be able to get along better than they had been. Charlie jumped forward, thinking that he'd done something bad.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Bells. I didn't mean to…" He reached forward to grab my hand that wasn't touching Edward's, but, as I flinched from the thought of the contact, he stopped and settled for resting it on the rough sheets.

"No, I'm happy. I was so afraid that you were always going to hate him. It's just such a relief to me…" I sniffled.

I could feel Edward stiffen up and move a little closer to me, his grip on my hand almost becoming painful. So, to pretend that he was as human as I was, I reached over to shake him awake from a 'nightmare'.

"Edward, wake up! It's a nightmare. Wake up!"

I had to admit that he was a very good actor, because he really looked like he had woken up from a nightmare. His eyes were as wild as a caged animal when they met mine. He moved quickly- not quickly for a vampire, but for a human- to wrap me in his arms.

My voice shook. "What's wrong, Edward?"

"Nightmare…" He kissed my hair.

Charlie cleared his throat, embarrassed yet again.

Edward turned towards Charlie, spine still tense. "Oh, sorry, sir. I didn't know you were here…"

"It's ok. The nightmares have been going around… I understand. Just make sure you don't scare her… Don't do anything that would make her uncomfortable." Charlie was trying to be better with Edward, but the stern sound of a worried father was in his voice.

"I know, sir. My… biological older sister was raped, too. I was really little at the time. I didn't really understand it at the time, but I do remember some of the things that I couldn't do around her. Of course it's different with every case, but my sister used to get this strange look in her eyes when something triggered a memory or made her feel uncomfortable. I remember it and I'm watching for it. I love Bella and I wouldn't hurt her…" Edward still looked strangely… terrified as he spilled this lie I assumed was about Rosalie.

Edward's arms tightened again around me as Carlisle walked in quietly, carrying a small bag. I felt a new wave of paranoia pass through me, knowing now that this was what Edward had scared. What if he had come to tell me that I was dying? Or that I could never have sex, or that I had some horrific disease from him…? What if something was more wrong with me than I had originally feared.

Carlisle gave me a small smile as he began to speak. "Hello, Bella, how are you feeling?"

I tried to swallow past the lump of panic in my throat but failed as my voice came out strangled. "Like I think I'm supposed to be feeling… Not the best."

He nodded back in understanding. "Yes, that is normal. Do you need more pain medications?"

Not trusting my voice again, I shook my head no. Whatever he had to say, I wanted to hear being totally conscious.

"Alright, well, the test results are back. I know that you weren't awake for the tests, but they were just checking to make sure nothing had got into your blood, if there were any STDs, or any resulting or previous pregnancy. I didn't want to announce the results until you had woken up for sure. You _are_ almost 18, you deserve to know the results at the same time as your father. However, if there had been something life threatening, I would have announced it to you, Charlie, but…"

"It's bad, Carlisle. Isn't it?" I started to cry.

He seemed to move with hesitation as he shuffled his feet against the floor. "It's not as good as we had hoped, Bella. I'm sorry."

For the first time in minutes, I heard a reaction from Charlie. He slammed his fist into the arm of his chair, which made me flinch further into Edward. "Sorry, Bella, I just- I don't know what…" He ran his hands through his hair, his nervous habit.

I took a deep breathe. "What is it, Carlisle? What's wrong with me?"

Edward whispered, so low that Charlie couldn't hear him, "I'm so sorry, Bella…"

Carlisle clenched and unclenched his left fist, the one that wasn't holding the papers. "Bella, you tested positive for pregnancy."

I felt my world fall around me in that instant. Now _he_ had got what he had really wanted: Edward wouldn't want me after this. He'd leave and stay away this time. I could hear myself moan 'no, no, no, no", but I didn't even know I was saying it. The room started to spin a little…

Edward seemed to cradle me in his arms. I could hear him whisper that he wouldn't leave me, that he'd always love me. But I couldn't believe him… He knew I was about to lose it, so he moved so that our faces were almost touching, allowing his cool breath to fan my face. My body relaxed completely after a few seconds, making my mind clear enough to focus on the… thing… growing inside of me.

Charlie really erupted this time. "It wasn't you, was it?" He was standing up, glaring down on Edward who was holding a very distraught me in his arms.

"No, sir. I don't believe in sex before marriage. And I would never put Bella in that position. We're too young." I knew that the tremble in Edward's voice was very real: this was what he'd been dreading.

"I'm so sorry…" I whimpered.

Edward started to comfort me again. "Shh… it's alright. It's not your fault… It's alright; I'm here. Shhh…"

I could feel the bile rise up in my throat, so I pushed away from Edward to lean over the side of the bed. There was nothing in my stomach to throw up, so I was dry heaving until I got up the small amount of bile that I did.

Edward held me up so that I didn't collapse off the bed and get a concussion. He also held my hair back from my face. Even Charlie got up to hold my hand, and when I didn't flinch away, he seemed to calm down a little.

"Are you done?" Edward whispered when the sound of my puke hitting the floor was replaced by the sound of my heavy breathing.

My throat burned from the acidic taste in my mouth, so my voice sounded as if I was a chain smoker. "Water…"

Carlisle already had a glass of water in his hands, which he passed to Edward who held it for me to drink.

When my breathing calmed down and I was back on my bed laying as I had been before, Carlisle continued. "Bella, I'll call a nurse in a minute to clean it up. But before I do, you need to know that you have options. You do not have to continue this pregnancy if you do not wish to. You can have an abortion, if you like. Or you could continue with the pregnancy and choose to put the baby up for adoption. Or you could keep it. Think about it; you don't have to answer today. Make sure you're sure with whatever you chose."

Edward squeezed my hand. "Whatever you choose, Bella… It's going to be alright."

I leaned my hand against Edward's shoulder. "How long do I have to decide…?"

"It's recommended that the abortion be done before the end of the first trimester, for health safety reasons. Adoption, well, that can be decided after it is born, if you like… As for the other choice… you can decide to keep it at any time. It's your body, Bella, it's your choice."

My mind was racing with thoughts, but my mind could think one thing straight. That I needed Edward to survive this whole thing. I needed him 24/7. Every second of every minute. Every minute of every day.

I swallowed loudly. "Dad, you know that Edward is the one I plan to spend my life with. And even though I'm really the one who is going to decide, I want to hear what he has to say about this. And, Dad, I need him. I need to be near him every day. He's the only one who can help me get better. I can't get through this without him. Please, can't we make it that we… I don't know, live together? For a while, maybe until I get better…"

Carlisle, always one to help, said, "Charlie, Bella is always more than welcome at our house. For however long she needs. My family would be delighted to have her live with us…"

Charlie was running his hands through his hair, internally debating whether it was safe for me. "I trust Edward, but I know what it's like to be a teenager. The hormones… will you make sure that nothing happens, Carlisle?"

I flew up, angry, not caring about the pain for once. "Dad, I freaking pregnant! And less than a week ago, I was raped. What do you seriously think is going to happen between us?"

Charlie's face was covered with shock. "Bella, I'm sorry. I'm a dad. You're a teenager. You want to live with a boy. It's a father's natural instinct to say that. I'm sorry…"

I had calmed down, leaning back against Edward's chest. I was shocked that I, a normally placid person, had snapped at my father who was just being a good dad. Tears came into my eyes and overflowed onto my cheeks. "I'm sorry, Dad. I don't know why I yelled at you like that…."

The package in Carlisle's hand crinkled as he shifted on his feet. "It's your hormones, Bella. It's normal. Pregnant women have that problem. It's alright. However, I have to go. There is another patient that I am meant to check on. I'm sorry I have to leave like this, but I get the feeling that the patient is going to need me soon…"

Carlisle walked forward to the end of my bed and handed Edward, who was closer, the paper bag. "Bella, this is from Alice. She said that she had meant it to be a graduation gift, but that you might like it now… She also said that she was sorry that she couldn't visit you because Jasper is not feeling well and she's taking care of him."

Edward handed it to me, his hands lingering on mine. My voice was still a bit dry, but I whispered, "Thank you, Carlisle. Tell Alice thank you, when you see her. Make sure she knows that I'm not upset that she didn't come."

Carlisle nodded as he started to back out of the room. "I will, Bella. Stay rested. I'll have Alice come over for your things if Charlie consents. I will be back in a few hours to see how you're doing or if you have any questions…And I'll have a nurse come clean the mess up." And with that he was gone.

The room was silent as the door swung shut. I could feel that Charlie wanted to talk to me, but I wasn't ready to think about the fact that I was pregnant. The fact was too shocking, to horrible for me. So I was going to pull a child's trick.

Charlie whispered. "Bella, what do-"

I pushed away from him and turned into Edward. "I'm really tired, Dad. I think I'm going to sleep now… We'll have to talk tomorrow." I yawned for further effect.

There was silence from his chair, but then a few moments later I heard him shuffle in his chair to get up. "I'll be back tomorrow, Bella. If you don't want to talk about it, then we won't. I just want to be sure you're ok. I don't want to think I'm losing you again…"

I didn't move, too afraid to meet his eyes. "Alright… see you tomorrow, Dad…"

I heard the door creak open, and Charlie whisper, "Bella, you can stay with Edward. I think you'll be happier if you do… Take care of yourself, Edward. And take care of my baby girl…"

I cringed at the word baby, but otherwise remained still on the bed as Charlie left the room. Edward held me, rubbing circles into my back. It wasn't until his hands met my lower back that I realized that it was exceptionally sore. I hit me with such an intensity that my eyes whipped open and I gasped.

"Bella? Did I hurt you?" His voice was ruffled with fear.

I moaned. "No, I'm fine. I just didn't realize how sore I am… Could you just put your hands flat on my back?"

Edward immediately complied, letting his cool seep through my clothes and into my back. "Like this?"

I nodded. "Much better."

I shifted in the bed again and bumped into the paper bag that I had forgotten. "What is it anyway?"

He moved one hand from my back and grabbed it. "Care to open it?"

I took it from his hands. "Guess I could… But this had better not have been expensive…"

My wish was not granted: I pulled out a 8 GB ipod with a beautiful blue case. "Why?"

"Alice wanted you to be able to hear your lullaby. She thought you might like it. You do, don't you?"

"Oh, I didn't mean it to sound like I didn't want it. I love it. It's too much, of course, but Alice isn't going to listen if I object. Might as well enjoy it… Could you turn it on for me, Edward? And put it on my lullaby, please? I've never been this close to one of these before."

Edward quickly moved through the menus and the controls, only to stop once to ask if I wanted it on repeat (to which I said yes). Then he gently took the ear buds and placed them in my ears. I could immediately hear the beautiful grand piano playing my favourite song in the world: my lullaby. It was quiet enough to still be able to hear Edward explaining how to function the volume controls and how to switch the song if I got sick of my lullaby (at which point I rolled my eyes).

When he was finished, he returned his hands to my back. I pushed closer to him, totally relaxed, and not once thinking about the baby that was about to change our lives and time appeared to fade away from me.

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**AN: Review? Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed this! It means so much to me! *hugs everyone***


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